woman in upward dog yoga pose on the beach

One Mother's Intuitive Awakening Through Yoga

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by Kayla Paradis

When I was 15 years old, I found myself on the floor of an abandoned house. At first, I thought I must have been daydreaming again, but I knew this house was real and in my neighborhood. I often came to the house on my walks, in search of a place of solitude. I found my thoughts drifting towards the notion of what it would be like if I disappeared. How would it feel to be truly invisible? Would everyone forget about me? Did I even matter? The truth is that this wasn’t the first time I felt this way. I remember doing the same thing as a young child playing hide and seek and hiding for far too long, secretly hoping never to be found. It wasn’t that I had a particularly rough upbringing, but it seemed to be programmed within me to simply go numb as a coping mechanism to stress. I didn’t know there was another way of blossoming from life’s struggles and sometimes I wish I could go back and introduce yoga into my life sooner. I carried these tactics with me into adulthood and these patterns challenged my early years of motherhood.

My emotions bottled up within me, and I became very good at hiding any sign of pain or stress in my life. On the days I felt overwhelmed, I bit my tongue and told myself to try harder. On the days I felt tired or like I was varying excess weight, I ran for miles and pushed my body to the limit. I was certain I was making myself stronger. In reality, I was deteriorating my spirit and crushing my on light within. At this point, I knew my happiness was important for the harmony of my family. The problem was I didn’t know how to get there; I didn’t know how to make myself a priority anymore. I prayed for a way to find myself from the exhaustion and overwhelm, and back to a place of love and happiness.

It wasn’t until my entire reality shifted in a completely different direction that I was finally forced to crack out of my shell and take the driver’s seat again.

November of 2016 we found our family complete; one boy and one girl, and they were both healthy as can be. We were all happy and my husband and I both had great jobs. However, in a phone reading with a psychic medium I was told my husband and I would be having a third child. At the time, I didn’t believe it to be true because we were going through the process of a vasectomy. We had our life plans laid out before us and she said quite simply that the baby was already on its way. I didn’t let this reading get into my head too much and we continued with our plans. As I prepared to return to work in February – a week before my husband’s scheduled vasectomy – I found out I was pregnant.

Although everyone was excited and happy for us, I was shocked beyond belief. I just couldn’t wrap my head around the timing of it all. How could the psychic have known the baby was coming, before she was even conceived? What is it that she was tapping into that allowed her to see my life better than I could? I became fascinated by the wonder of it all, but I simply didn’t have time to lose myself in it. So instead of marveling about my miracle baby, I worried about how our lives would change and if I could handle it.

blonde woman in pink dress doing yoga on the beachblonde woman in pink dress doing yoga on the beach

As fate would have it, my third baby ended up being a very large breech baby and I required a caesarean. The doctors told us it was the only way she could safely come into this world. Again, I was rocked. I had never had a c section before, and after having two babies completely naturally, I naively expected my third to be the same. I knew the recovery would be different and tried to prepare myself the best as I could but was brought to my knees by the amount of pain I experienced in coming out of the surgery. I remember lying in my bed and vowing to myself that I would never take my full health for granted again. My brother in law tried to tell me encouragingly, “You’ll be back and up and running in no time.” I nearly sobbed because I knew that wouldn’t be the case. I knew I wouldn’t be able to be the “super mom” everyone came to know me as.

I felt defeated.

I turned to yoga as a form of release. A gentle way of getting my body moving again, without pushing myself too hard. After years of practicing on and off, I pledged to myself to practice every day, even if it was only for a few minutes. Which, it would sometimes end up being because juggling life with three kids has its share of challenges. I would often practice with the kids climbing on me, or while I was in my pajamas and I loved the versatility of it. But yoga changed me, it unlocked a part of me that had been in hiding for years. Just like the child version of me playing hide and seek, yoga allowed me to finally slow down and tune into that part of me that had been bottled up, numbed out and stuffed down.

blonde woman doing yoga on a rock in the waterblonde woman doing yoga on a rock in the water

Two months after my baby was born, my grandfather passed. It was a challenging time for our family, and it happened right before Christmas. My parents rushed down to settle his estate and I stayed back to take care of all the children and things at home. Everyone was busy with their holiday plans and I had no one to talk to, so, I brought my heart to my yoga mat. I turned on the music and began flowing, breathing and connecting to peace. I whispered out loud, “this practice is for you grandpa.” All the while, thinking of how he no longer had a physical body to move and flow and dance with. He was a man that loved to work with his hands and designing wood instruments like violins became a retirement hobby of his. As if in tune with me and my movement, the music shifted to a string quartet song called, “Take It All Back” by Judah & The Lion. I closed my eyes and tears fell. I felt fully supported and loved. In that moment, I knew I was still connected to him. I could feel his presence and knew he was smiling down on me. When I laid in to Shavasana, I knew this was what yoga was all about. It wasn’t about the inversions or pretty poses; it was about the connection to my spirit and soul.

Yoga became the vessel for me to explore divine connection – something that gets stronger each passing day. By the following summer, I knew there was a deeper purpose to all the synchronicities happening in my life. So, when I had the chance to take a Reiki Energy Healing course, I look it. I remember leaving my first weekend of training feeling like I was flying. As I explored my spiritual connection more, I started receiving more interactions from my guides and spirits. For a long time, I struggled with what it all meant and who or what was trying to communicate with me, and one specific encounter really changed it all for me.

It was our second weekend of Reiki training and we were just coming out of a meditation. I had my eyes closed, an as I looked at the woman next to me, instead of seeing her, I saw an older man that looked like her. A voice in my ear told me, “this is her father and he has passed.” I blinked and the woman came into my vision again. Having only just met the woman, and only knowing her first name, I felt like I had somehow unintentionally invaded her privacy. I shook it off and went to the bathroom to clear my head. Later, she invited the instructor and I to lunch. During our conversation – without me mentioning it or questioning her – she brought up that her father had passed just months prior and that was a big reason why she was taking the course. My jaw dropped and I had to stop eating. It didn’t feel like the right time to share my vision with her and I didn’t fully trust myself yet. Later, I asked the instructor if she had ever experienced anything like this. She told me that she hadn’t and that I had a gift if I chose to explore it. At the time, I felt so incredibly overwhelmed by the notion. I couldn’t imagine how I would navigate my life as a mother of three with an intuitive gift.

As I began practicing Reiki healing on my friends and family, more and more intuitive messages and signs would come through, that I didn’t trust or share with anyone. I leaned into my yoga practice as the more practical pursuit of my career and set my mind to obtaining my yoga teacher certification. But I couldn’t abandon the call of my soul. Not after it had taught me so much. I felt redirected, saved, and reconnected. I want nothing more than for everyone to experience that. It wasn’t until I started fully stepping into my energy healing skills and intuitive gifts that they grew stronger and more versatile.

blonde woman doing yoga at the beachblonde woman doing yoga at the beach

Today, I offer Reiki energy healing sessions and intuitive card readings to clients. As well as teach yoga to mothers and kids. If you would have told me this is where I would be and what I would be doing two years ago, I wouldn’t have believed you. Although I have had intuitive experiences my entire life, I always told myself I believed in science. It wasn’t until the universe continually proved to me that there is more to life than what we see, feel, believe, and understand.

I have connected clients to the names of their guardian angels and guides, and it never ceases to surprise me when I list a name that comes through and it ends up being a client’s grandmother or family member.  Just recently, I connected a mother to a baby she had miscarried. Before the session, she had asked if we could find the gender of the baby. When I tuned in, I mentally asked for the gender of the baby. I heard the reply, “she already knows” and was shown a vision of a dancing toddler baby girl, and she smiled and said her name was Marigold. I told her I was being told she already knew deep inside her heart, and tears fell down her face and mine as she said, “I thought it was a baby girl.”

My spirituality and intuition have offered me as much healing as it had offered my clients. It has reconnected me to joy and the wonder that is life. How could I ever feel lost or afraid when I constantly receive signs that I am supported? This trust aligns me with love over fear so I can live a life that is no longer determined by my mind and thoughts but led by my heart and soul.

I realize now that these signs had been available to me my entire life – as they are for everyone – I just couldn’t see them. I wasn’t living life with all my senses. I realize now that I spent most of my life tuning out my soul and even when there were signs, I just couldn’t see them. Maybe you can relate. Could you imagine how your life would change if you felt you had guidance for every choice you made? Or how much better you would feel if you knew there were forces greater than you at work, supporting your healing? Your journey to awakening will be uniquely your own and it is a part of your purpose to see the beauty in the ride. It is my hope that in reading this, you will surrender to your unfolding instead of pushing it away.

Today, my life feels ever expansive and full of potential. Even in the face of challenges, I see ways to breathe into the pain and how to grow from it. I have integrated my intuition into all facets of my life, from yoga clients too parenting my own children. My intuition allows me to understand myself and everyone I encounter on a deeper level, and I can serve them in a way that is much more whole and compassionate. Our intuition is a part of us that was meant to be trusted and integrated, instead of abandoned. When it is abandoned, we end up feeling lost and like something is always missing. It’s the part of you that never dies and can never be taken from you. It’s the part of you that knows more than you can imagine. The part of you that knows there is something more, and that there is a deeper meaning to why you’re here.

Planted within you like a deep seeded calling just waiting to take root and grow. Through this growth, you will find your journey back home to your soul instead of wandering through the darkness of suffering. As a mother, it is simply how we are meant to be. We are wired to listen to the voice of soul and call intuition back into our lives. We are meant to lead the way and show our families that this is no longer something to be feared, but something to be honored and cherished. There were times in history when it wasn’t safe to live a life with your intuition, but the threat is over now, and we are meant to rise. Call your intuition back into your life – trust me – you won’t regret it.